The Bashphorisms¶
Bashphorisms are aphorisms for the IRC channel #bash on Freenode. Keep in mind that this version is a snapshot, the bashphorisms are changed here and there. Also, another snapshot.
I think greycat was the first one who had the idea, but I'm not sure.
Our bashphorisms can be queried from greybot using !bN, where N is the bashphorism number.
And yes, these bashphorisms reflect the daily reality in #bash.
| Number | Bashphorism |
|---|---|
| 0 | The questioner will never tell you what they are really doing the first time they ask. |
| 1 | The questioner's first description of the problem/question will be misleading. |
| 2 | The questioner will keep changing the question until it drives the helpers in the channel insane. |
| 3 | Offtopicness will continue until someone asks a bash question that falls under bashphorisms 1 and/or 2, and greycat gets pissed off. |
| 4 | The questioner will not read and apply the answers he is given but will instead continue to practice bashphorism #1 and bashphorism #2. |
| 5 | The ignorant will continually mis-educate the other noobies. |
| 6 | When given a choice of solutions, the newbie will always choose the wrong one. |
| 7 | The newbie will always find a reason to say, "It doesn't work." |
| 8 | If you don't know to whom the bashphorism's referring, it's you. |
| 9 | All examples given by the questioner will be broken, misleading, wrong, and not representative of the actual question. |
| 10 | See B1 |
| 11 | Please apply (( % 10 )) to the bashphorism value. |
| 12 | All logic is deniable; however, some logic will plonk you if you deny it. |
| 13 | Everyone ignores greycat when he is right. When he is wrong, it is !b1 |
| 14 | The newbie doesn't actually know what he's asking. If he did, he wouldn't need to ask. |
| 15 | The more advanced you are, the more likely you are to be overcomplicating it. |
| 16 | The more beginner you are, the more likely you are to be overcomplicating it. |
| 17 | A newbie comes to #bash to get his script confirmed. He leaves disappointed. |
| 18 | The newbie will not accept the answer you give, no matter how right it is. |
| 19 | The newbie is a bloody loon. |
| 20 | The newbie will always have some excuse for doing it wrong. |
| 21 | When the newbie's question is ambiguous, the proper interpretation will be whichever one makes the problem the hardest to solve. |
| 22 | The newcomer will abuse the bot's factoid triggers for their own entertainment until someone gets annoyed enough to ask them to message it privately instead. |
| 23 | Everyone is a newcomer. |
| 24 | The newcomer will address greybot as if it were human. |
| 25 | The newbie won't accept any answer that uses practical or standard tools. |
| 26 | The newbie will not TELL you about this restriction until you have wasted half an hour. |
| 27 | The newbie will lie. |
| 28 | When the full horror of the newbie's true goal is revealed, the newbie will try to restate the goal to trick you into answering. Newbies are stupid. |
| 29 | It's always git. Or python virtualenv. Or docker. One of those pieces of shit. ALWAYS. |
| 30 | They won't show you the homework assignment. That would make it too easy. |
| 31 | Your teacher is a f**king idiot. |
| 32 | The more horrifyingly wrong a proposed solution is, the more likely it will be used. |
| 33 | The newbie cannot explain what he is doing, or why. He will show you incomprehensible, nonworking code instead. What? You can't read his mind?! |
Please feel free to correct or extend this page whenever needed.